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I seriously can’t believe that I have been on GAPS for six months now. That is mind blowing. I have never stuck with something for so long.
(Okay, if we’re going to be honest, there were two moments this past month when I took a sample of something that wasn’t GAPS. I even have had gluten. But I still consider what I have done these past months a success and I am so proud of myself.)
This month was kinda all over the place. I entered the month feeling great, and spent a good chunk of it feeling that way. But I also experienced a lot of anxiety around food and life. At one point, I acknowledged that I had an unhealthy relationship with food. This stirred up a lot of emotions, and after many days of crying, I walked up to my husband and said, “I have an eating disorder.”
This was hard, but was a huge step forward for me. I recognized that I was relying too heavily on my husband, and I started seeing a therapist. I have made an effort to be more mindful of my eating. I have had some really great successes. I still have a long way to go, and my anxiety about food is still there, but I am seeing progress and that means a lot.
For example, I ate out 3 times this past month. The first time, I got anxiety when I first heard about it. But I was able to order a simple bunless burger with avocado and caramelized onions. It was delicious and I did not have a reaction to it. Same with the other two times – I was able to find a way to make it work for me. And it was okay. And on Tuesday I even ate a bite of a pretzel roll with a grass fed hot dog and sauerkraut. *gaps* It was delicious and I was happy with just the bite, then back to GAPS.
My simple GAPS restaurant meal
I am trying to learn to be kind to myself and understand what my body wants. I finally acknowledged that GAPS is not going to heal my relationship with food. I need to heal it myself if I want to ever be able to eat in a healthy way off of Intro.
On to the physical side, I had a few setbacks, which was also difficult. I still can’t eat pork, and I have been minorly constipated for about two weeks, after a month of everything being perfect. However, I successfully added small amounts of raw vegetables (I don’t like raw veggies, so I haven’t been eating them much), fruit, and coconut. I added butter successfully, too, which is AMAZING. It made me break out just a few months ago, and I am amazed that my body is actually healing! I also have started to take fermented cod liver oil and eat sardines in an effort to get more healthy fats and micronutrients.
I have also started taking communion, including the wheat host. I will be writing more about this next week. Taking communion was something that was incredibly important for me to do spiritually and for my mental health. It opened up something for me that helped me dispelled my anxiety around food.
My mug cake with the top tier of our wedding cake
June 28 was my one year wedding anniversary. I wasn’t going to eat from the top tier of our wedding cake, but I still wanted to have something. So while my husband ate our wedding cake, I made my own chocolate mug cake that was so delicious and rich. The recipe will be up next week. In eating this, I moved into Full GAPS and added in chocolate and honey. This is the first time I have had added sugar in almost 6 months, even if it was only a 1/2 tablespoon over two days.
Over the next month, I will be continuing along Full GAPS. I will be testing more dairy, starting with cultured cream, and adding in lentils. I hope to try nuts at some point, too. Mostly, my focus this coming month will be to continue making peace with my body and with food, wherever that leads.
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Wow well done you! I have been on SCD/GAPS for 4 months and am so fed up with it!! I’ve seen no real improvements and my tummy is more unhappy than ever. I’m considering coming off it but reading your post gives me hope! I’m interested to hear you haven’t had nuts or dairy yet, and I think you’re amazing not to have had any honey until now. I take my hat off to you. You are strong!!!
Thank you so much! GAPS is HARD, and it was definitely hard for me since I have needed to stay away from honey, nuts, and dairy. I definitely get fed up with it when I feel like I am not progressing the way I would like. Healing requires a lot of time and experimenting, and even after 6 months I am still figuring a lot of things out.
This post touched home for me. I’m actually not on GAPS but SCD and I have been on it for 3 years. I have orthorexia which I have been working on but I am still so terrified of foods even the thought of eating to much fruit makes my head go ballistic.
My biggest issue with mental eating is my system is so sensitive that I can still only eat meat, some well cooked fruit and vegetables so when I try something new and get a setback I panic and start thinking of food as evil. But im learning slowly that sometimes you have to overlook the fear and nerves in order for it not to hinder you. And don’t be afraid to eat lots of the foods your body loves.
Congratulations on staying strong and sticking to the intro. Healing even in tiny increments is one of the most amazing things you can do for yourself. Just the fact you were able to have a bite of bread and be okay is amaze balls! Count your victories not your losses.
Thank you for sharing your story. It is definitely a hard thing to deal with, but you are right: every little bit of healing is a victory.